The art of saying no is an art that many of us struggle with but wish we were better at. Being able to say no is a form of self-care we all need to master. As humans, we often seek validation from others. We want to feel accepted and included and fear that saying no would offend, disappoint, or hurt the person we are saying no to. The inability to say no is self-destructive and can eventually lead to stress and depression. It is no crime to say no, no matter how much you feel like it. Your friends and family will not loathe you; they must understand your circumstances and respect your decision. Try saying 'no' once, and you'll not think twice about doing it again. Let's talk more about putting yourself first, shall we?
There is nothing to feel guilty about when saying "no." Saying no does not make you a bad person, and it simply means you have other things to prioritize your time. The common way of saying no is by apologizing beforehand. Some ways that have been adopted are;
"I'm sorry, but….."
"I'm sorry I'm unable to…."
You've got to understand that there is absolutely no reason for you to apologize. Being polite is one thing, but apologies make it sound weak. We often say yes because we don't want to offend or disappoint others. If you say no to someone and there are offended and are trying to make you feel like a bad person, remember they're just trying to guilt trip you into saying yes. To stop feeling bad about saying yes, you need to understand that you're NOT saying no to the person; instead, you're saying no to the request.
First, you need to understand your responsibilities and what tops your list. This will help you realize whether you have the time and the capability to take on new commitments, If you are available and willing to say yes, think twice about your decisions. Maybe you did find the spare time to fit their request on your schedule but asked yourself, Isn't my plate over-stuffed already?
Am I capable of shouldering more responsibilities and commitments?
If your answers are positive, you can go ahead and say yes, but make sure you don't risk your well-being.
Being honest, straightforward, and open about your needs and requirements always helps. Instead of beating around the bush, saying "no" when you want to would ease a lot of stress. It will be good for you and the person who brought forward the offer or request.
If you are definite with your answer, they can go ahead and look for other alternatives instead of relying on you. Consider it a favor, put your doubts aside and just say it. Being honest and straightforward does not mean that you have to list out the reasons why you're saying no. It is your personal choice to say yes or no. You don't owe anyone an explanation unless the situation is professional, even if it's professional questions that invade your privacy need not be answered. If you are comfortable with reasoning yourself out, of course, you can, but it is not necessary.
You are not obliged to give your answer right at the moment. It is always best to think through your decisions before you give them a final wording. You can use the phrases:
"I'll get back to you."
"I'll think this through"
This way, you do not promise anything, giving you the time to consider their request and check your responsibilities and commitments. After thinking it through and you are unable to commit to their request, you can approach them like,
"After thinking it through….."
"After giving it some thought/consideration…."
This way, they'll feel glad that you gave their request some heed, and you don't have to feel bad about saying no as you thought it through and took the wiser decision,
We all know the golden rule "be nice if you want to get something done" well, it works just fine the other way around, too, be nice if you don't want to do something. If you aren't familiar with saying no or are afraid of hurting the other person's feelings, the best way to decline the offer is by being polite.
Phrases that can help,
"Thank you for offering me this…."
"It is nice of you to think of me, but…."
"I would love to, but…."
This way, no one's feelings are hurt, and you are also on the safe side.
While it is important to be polite when declining an offer, being nice always and offering to say yes would end up hurting yourself. When you always make yourself accessible to people, they often take advantage of you and continue to do so more than once. It is critical that you set your boundaries and that you aren't seen as an easy target. Mustering the courage to say "NO" is not easy, but once you start doing it, rest assured your life will seem less complicated and more relieved.
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